Day 4: The scandalous conversation about the desi wedding

desi wedding sex

Today I’ll be talking about some scandalous, besharam stuff. Stuff that us desis are not supposed to talk about because haw haye, shame shame! You got it, didn’t you? The "S" word - so relevant to getting married. Yet, we talk about the nail colors and the hairstyles, not the "S" word. Apparently,
the Valima is supposed to be a public announcement that you have done you-know-what with you-know-who (taubah tubah). That’s what those 500 guests are releshing that food for. But have you really? Is it wrong if you haven’t? Are you the only bride to be having these thoughts? Should you be worried?
If you are a bride-to-be and your mother has had a mature conversation with you about the fact that you will be having sex after marriage, go and give her a high-five, just for acknowledging that fact. If she hasn’t, like most desi moms, it is actually a lot of fun to make them all awkward by starting the conversation yourself, it takes them a while but eventually they give in. If that hasn’t convinced you and you’re still skeptical about bringing moms into this, your next target could be any married cousin or friend. The point is, you know you have questions, some seem too stupid to be asked, some just sound wrong in your head and others make you question the questions themselves (if there is such a thing). But you can't deny that they are there and that confirms the need to address them.

I chose to write this post after seeing how even the most ‘modern’ girls feel reluctant talking on the subject. And by talking, I do not mean cracking inappropriate jokes about what's shown in those chick-flicks that you watched in your teens. I mean asking those questions in your head as they are, putting them in front of someone you know with complete confidence that you have every right to get the answers, it would be plain wrong if you didn't. Sure you can google all you want but in my no-expert-opinion, no amount of googling can replace the real heart-to-heart conversation with another human being. You will be surprised how many girls are willing to open up and share their experiences to address your anxieties. If you fear any medical issues or have birth control concerns, get yourself an appointment with a doctor and know your options, it is definitely more important than your next facial or manicure appointment.

pakistani girls sex talk

I don't know why but it is often assumed that only girls who're getting into an arranged marriage and have no prior relationship with their spouse-to-be need to have these conversations. I beg to differ, BIG time. Even if it's a pure love marriage, you've known your partner since before you were born and your comfort level with each other has shot through the seven heavens, what makes you think the poor guy came downloaded with a manual? So do a favor to the both of you and educate yourself (watching movies does not count).

It is unfortunate that many girls end up losing their sleep over things that are inconsequential, just because they're left uneducated on the subject. Nobody talks about it so everybody tends to believe they're they only ones with those thoughts and it becomes even more shameful to admit to it. It is only when you talk that you see how many others have been in the same boat as you and then you feel like dancing to happy tunes because your concerns were completely legit and nobody mocked your intelligence.

pakistani sex conversation

So dear bride-to-be, now is the right time to talk, enlighten yourself! Not only does it help with easing your nerves, it allows you to develop that comfortable relationship with your girl friend which will come in handy on many occasions after marriage (like when you need to vent out about husband never screwing on the toothpaste cap properly). One thing I can promise, once you get that conversation going, there will be a lot of laughs involved in the process. Like this post, those too will come straight from the heart.

Happy discovering!

P.S: The pictures used in this post have nothing to do with the topic, I just felt their mood gave a nice feel. Plus I didn't have any besharam ones to to go with the topic :)

Read Day 5: The Essence of Wedding Dances and an Unprepared Bride here.

Check out the previous posts from the wedding series (with added pictures) here.


  1. Girl, kudos to you for so gracefully bringing in homour on such a taboo topic as well *thumbs up* I wish somebody had said all this to me before I got married

  2. Hey, my friend introduced me to your blog, she's been raving about you and now I get why that is. I felt so happy reading this post. I'm getting married this year and this has definitely prompted me to act on some of the thoughts in my head :D

  3. Totally agree
    hey, whats your name? it seems weird to share stuff with a nameless adult.

    1. Hahaha I chose to blog anonymously because I didn't want my family and friends to like my posts just because ... well, because they're friends and family. I wanted to see if I could get some genuine readers and I was actually pleasantly surprised by the response I got. It has been a few months now and I think it is time to lift the veil of anonymity soon. Join me on Instagram @thespiceofadulting :)

    2. Keeping my fingers crossed!
      They are aching a bit by now lol.
      I started following you the day I found your blog. I love your photography btw.

    3. You're too kind, thank you :)
      Oh but these pictures weren't taken by me of course, they're from my wedding shoot. So can't take the credit :(

  4. Such a taboo topic and so gracefully discussed. So much needs to be done in our society just to make people feel comfortable in relationships.great going girl.

    1. Thank you so much!! And yes, that is unfortunately very true :(


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