Day 7: The correct demeanor of the bride - Getting the 'correct' part correct

How should the bride behave and carry herself? I say, just like she has been doing it, as the person she has always been. Being a bride does not call for a personality change. The transformation from Shakeela to Shakira or vice versa is really not necessary. To lower the eyes or not? To dance or not to
dance? To laugh on stage or not? So many life altering questions that the burden to get them right is crushing. But do you really need to give a thought to the answer? You already know the answer, you have been doing it all your life, why re-consider it now?

Today was the first of those functions with a long list of guests, the Mehndi. I find it a little weird now that I never gave any thought to what kind of bride I wanted to be. I see so many girls making conscious decisions about the smallest of details prior to the event. Will they look up and wave while walking down the aisle? Will they cry on rukhsati? Will they look round on the stage or not? Will they smile with or without teeth (ermmm)? I have no idea why these thoughts never came to my mind, sometimes I wonder if I’m just a man trapped in a woman’s body.

Was I going to be shy, quiet and lowered eyes kind or the non-stop chirpy, laughing, dancing around kind? In retrospect, what comes naturally to you does not need to be planned. I turned out to be the former kind, even surprised myself with that discovery but that is just how I felt comfortable. I had no urge to look around and respond when I heard my friends whistling and making not-so-sharmeelay comments as I passed them by in my doli. I had not been instructed by anyone to behave a certain way, no restriction had been put on laughing or talking, I just did what came naturally to me, without giving it a prior thought. 

I love the brides who choose to be the latter kind. The ones who can be seen lol-ing on stage, can barely keep in one place and take off their shoes to dance the night away. The only thing that matters is that you do what comes naturally to you and what makes you happy. It shows when the bride is more conscious of her dancing than really enjoying it but she does it just to ‘appear’ more fun. Is that really necessary? Does that not essentially make her the same as the bride who doesn’t smile on stage because the most feared aunty of the family told her to keep quiet and keep her eyes down?

With the changing trends of desi weddings, some for the better and others for the worse, there comes unnecessary pressure as well. Pressure to have a certain type of wedding and behave a certain way. If you did not dance arm-in-arm with your groom on the mehndi or pouted for selfies on the stage, you must be a unhappy bride who did not have fun at her wedding (you are probably being forced into the marriage anyways). Just as dancing does not make any bride besharam, not doing it does not make anyone bechari either. The point is to do what you’re comfortable with, what you WANT to do yourself. If you’re enjoying being a blushing, shy bride then let yourself be. It does not make you any less ‘modern’  and definitely does not determine how much fun you have. No one looks prettier than the bride who is truly herself and it always, ALWAYS, shows when you do something that is just not your thing. Know your thing.

If you're new to the blog, read the previous posts from the wedding series here. It would brighten up my day if you let me know how you like the series :)

Read Day 8: The day to officially move houses and become a dual-resident forever here.

Thanks for dropping by, happy vibes from me to you!


  1. I was told by a random aunty on the stage that I shouldn't laugh so much otherwise my saas would start scolding me already. I still dont know who that aunty was...

  2. I don't know if its just me but I feel brides these days often act out of their nature just to look 'cool' :/

    1. Hmmm...have felt that a couple of times, but we can't really be sure. Hence this post I guess :)

  3. Just do what makes you comfortable. That is all.
    Kudos for such a real piece.


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